Monday, January 2, 2012

Deal with it, bitches.

I love all the people who, for the past week, have been posting picture after picture of themselves at parties or saying what they're going to go out and do next, and are now whining about all of the homework that's piled up. I like to think of this as some sort of nerd karma.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The New Policy

Were I to rule the world, I would implement laws for the betterment of humanity as a whole, for example:
Should you because famous for being famous, your family name becomes a brand, a scent, and your sole identity, and you use that fame to make an ass of yourself, your name shall promptly be taken away and replaced with first and last numbers.

Take note, Kardashians, or should I say Family Unit 112343.

(Intelligent family members would be able to keep their name, or change it freely, based on the assholes they were forced to live with, however appearing on Dancing With the Stars automatically revokes this right.)

... You're welcome, World.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Welcome to The Grid, Lord Jobs

While Steve Jobs' passing was indeed a loss, I'm pretty sure the writers of Tron 3 all shed at least a few tears of joy. You jobs just got a whole lot easier, boys.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Let it grow, Gentlemen.

I support No Shave November, so long as the end result is something akin to a bear-living-on-your-face, lumberjack, furry, manly beard. That's where it's at.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Commence Evil Laughter

Passive aggressive habit: Interchange Helvetica, Helvetica Neue, Arial, Frutiger and mess with kerning. Reader knows it looks weird; can't perceive difference.

What's that teacher whom I dislike? Paper must be typed in Arial? How about 'Screw You'?

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Yes, you are a wuss.

I really hate when people complain about shots. Oh, I'm sorry you had a trained medical professional give you an anesthetic before carefully injecting you with a repeatedly tried and certified formula designed to create an immunity to horrible diseases and illnesses. What's that? It left a little mark and your arm is sore?

Try getting measles, cholera, chicken pox, tetanus, pertussis, diphtheria, mumps, rubella, rabies, polio, smallpox, yellow fever... etc. Quit your bitching and get the damn shot.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Bring on the rain

Ever since people started freaking out about Hurricane Irene, I've not been able to stop singing 'Come on Eileen.'

At least It's empowering. Come on Irene.