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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Yes, you are a wuss.

I really hate when people complain about shots. Oh, I'm sorry you had a trained medical professional give you an anesthetic before carefully injecting you with a repeatedly tried and certified formula designed to create an immunity to horrible diseases and illnesses. What's that? It left a little mark and your arm is sore?

Try getting measles, cholera, chicken pox, tetanus, pertussis, diphtheria, mumps, rubella, rabies, polio, smallpox, yellow fever... etc. Quit your bitching and get the damn shot.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Bring on the rain

Ever since people started freaking out about Hurricane Irene, I've not been able to stop singing 'Come on Eileen.'

At least It's empowering. Come on Irene.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

!Public Service Announcement!

Short hiatus because school is starting up.. probably a week or so, but after that, expect more posts full of scathing sarcasm and blunt observation (and maybe some actually funny stuff too).

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

To the Grown-ups:

Dear Adults:

I just want to kindly thank you for all you've done to screw up society.
I know, us kids have 'bad influences', like the music we listen to that you produce, like the violent movies and TV that you create, like the spoiled brats that you pay to spoil, like the commercialization of society which you fund,  and like the loss of personal history that you didn't deem important enough to pass on.

I'm sorry that the governments of the world seem increasingly broken, they've been that way since 'Grown-Ups' have been running them. I'm sorry the economy is tanking, maybe you should talk to the 'Grown-Ups' in congress. I'm sorry there's race riots and famine and families that can't support each other. I think that's because of those 'Grown-Ups' who fail to see all people as equals unless there's money to be had. I'm sorry for religious extremism. It seems like you should blame that on the 'Grown-Ups' who raise their children without a shadow of choice or hold their families to their own extreme beliefs. I'm sorry there's violence, you could ask the children of 'Grown-Ups' who've beaten them their entire lives why they think that it's okay to lash out at others.

TL;DR: Thanks, 'Grown-Ups', now stop touching stuff, you're making it worse.

Talk to me when you'd like a bit of insight,
-One of those 'Damned Kids'

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Oh math, you so silly


Math problems are the only time you can take multiple marbles out of a bag and not lose any.

 Math problems are the only time two trains can be careening toward each other and no one panics or bothers to stop the train.

Math problems are the only time children actually share M&Ms. 

Math problems are the only time you can buy 72 apple pies and no one wonders what the hell is wrong with you. 


Monday, August 8, 2011

Keeping it balanced

The optimist invented the airplane.
The pessimist invented the parachute.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Oh, days long gone.

I miss middle school, when every serious ailment was treatable by skipping a test and going to the nurse's office and laying on a cot for 20 minutes until the nurse kicked you out. 

(ProTip: Make friends with the nurse, then they'll let you sleep instead of laying there awkwardly trying to avoid the gaze of the one poor kid actually there because they were legitimately sick.)